Anything Goes Tonight: 11 Heavy Songs About Doin It (In Memory of Prince, with Apologies to Prince)

Knockin boots. Gettin it on. Boning. Doin the nasty. Snu-snu. Making sweet love. Bumpin uglies. Gettin freaky. Hittin skins. Making whoopee. Doin a bunch of fuckin. There are maybe as many euphemisms for the act of sexual intercourse as there are positions, but whatever you call it, you can’t deny that Prince knew a thing or two about gettin busy.

The passing of His Royal Badness hasn’t had a huge effect on me, but it has certainly made an impact on a lot of people close to me, most notably my wife, a.k.a. Mrs. Stay Heavy. She’s a huge fan, has been since she was a teenager, and cites his concert in Indianapolis on the Musicology (2004) tour as the best live show she’s ever seen. While I’ve never counted myself as a fan of his work per se, I definitely understand and appreciate the appeal that his songs, vision, and work ethic have had on so many people. And since I have ears, I do not dislike his music.

At any rate, I though I’d celebrate and honor the life of the Purple One by putting together a playlist of heavy songs about doin it. Please note that I omitted Butt Rock as a genre, as I don’t have the rest of my life to spare on this, so you’ll find no Mötley Crüe, Poison, etc. You’ll also find no KISS songs, because KISS sucks. I did, however, include an AC/DC song, because I feel it would have been un-American of me to do so. (I realize that AC/DC are not an American band, but I also believe that it’s un-American to not at least appreciate what AC/DC does.)

I also, at the request of the missus, did not include songs about necrophilia, even though that technically counts as sex. Hence, no “Necrophilia” by Slayer, no “I Work For the Streetcleaner” or “Mortuaria” by Impetigo, and no “Code Blue” by TSOL, even though I really wanted to include them. These are in no particular order.

1. Death Angel – “Mistress of Pain” (from The Ultra-Violence – 1987)

I’ve talked about Death Angel a fair amount in these pages before, so I won’t get into it much here. Just know that this song was written and performed by a bunch of high school kids (their 14 year-old drummer is probably better than your 25 year-old drummer). It’s on my list of Top Five Death Angel Songs. It’s also the first one I heard, on a compilation cassette called Rising Metal that my cousin Nathan bought way, way back. It’s not technically about sex, but it is about a vicious and brutal dominatrix, and I cannot deny that riff, nor those screams. You can’t either, if you listen.

“Lashing you with her whips
Keeping you bonded in chains
Drool starts to seep through her lips
Gets off on affliction of pain…”

2. Flotsam & Jetsam – “Hammerhead” (from Doomsday For the Deceiver – 1986)

This is the first Flotsam & Jetsam song I ever heard, too. It was on that same tape mentioned above. It’s the first song on their first album, and it’s badass, even if the lyrics are a bit stupid (though they are far from being the stupidest lyrics on this list). Eric A.K.’s vocals are superlative on this album. It also features Jason Newsted (who went on to play for Voivod, Echobrain, and Ozzy Osbourne) on bass guitar.

“Love for the taking, she talks with her eyes,
Wants me to give her a ride.
Spellbound she takes me way deep inside,
Hammerhead baby tonight…hold tight!”

3. Megadeth – “Mechanix” (from Killing is My Business…and Business is Good!)

This song is much closer to winning the honor of “Stupidest Lyrics” on this playlist, but it’s still not the dumbest song. Even if you’ve never heard this one before, it might sound familiar. When Dave Mustaine was still in Metallica, they performed this song as “Mechanix”, but after his unceremonious booting, they made what is inarguably one of the best decisions of their storied career and changed the lyrics to this dumbass song, and “The Four Horsemen” was born. Seriously, I can’t imagine how high/drunk Mustaine must have been to think these lyrics were not total dogshit.

“Who ever though you’d be better
At turning a screw than me
I do it for my life
Made my drive shaft crank
Made my pistons bulge
Made my ball bearings melt from the heat…”

4. Overkill – “Fatal If Swallowed” (from Taking Over – 1987)

Overkill hasn’t gotten enough love in the pantheon of thrash metal, and the pages of this “esteemed” blog are no exception. I have a thing about Overkill in the works, so I won’t say much here, except that Taking Over is my favorite Overkill album, and this is not my favorite song from that album.

“Fatal if swallowed, my love’s too much to hold.
A deadly poison, a hot and heavy load.
Fatal if swallowed, a love you can’t resist.
Another believer, sealed, with a kiss.”

5. Guns N’ Roses – “Anything Goes” (from Appetite for Destruction – 1987)

I can’t add much to this. It’s a straight up filthy song about fuckin, and it’s a real fuckin  good song, to boot.

“Panties ’round your knees
With your ass in debris
Doin’ that grind
with a push and squeeze…”

6. AC/DC – “Givin’ the Dog a Bone” (from Back in Black – 1980)

The most obvious choice here was clearly “You Shook Me All Night Long”, but that would’ve been too easy. It was pretty tough to narrow AC/DC down to one song about sex, as they have at least two per album (and Back in Black has three). I’m not really sure why I chose this one, to be honest, but here we are. It’s silly, not unlike a majority of AC/DC songs.

“She’s no Mona Lisa
No she’s no playboy star
But she’ll send you to heaven
Then explode you to Mars…”

7. Motörhead – “Love Me Like a Reptile” (from Ace of Spades – 1980)

Perhaps the only thing Lemmy enjoyed as much as whiskey and speed was doin it. As a result, Motörhead also has a lot of songs about sex. I also considered “Jailbait”, from the same album, but I felt that one gave the whole mix a slightly too-creepy vibe.

“Baby you’re a rattlesnake, you know the way I feel,
Feel you crawling up my back, you’ve got no love to steal,
You know I’ve got my eyes on you,
You’re petrified, gonna stick like glue…”

8. W.A.S.P. – “Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)” (1984 single)

W.A.S.P. was a silly, silly band. They probably still are silly, but I can’t say for certain. This one makes the whole list a little too creepy, too, quite frankly, but I felt like I had to include it. It was slated for inclusion on W.A.S.P.’s self-titled debut album, but was removed by Capitol Records at the last minute, and was subsequently released as a single in the UK. It’s worth noting that singer Blackie Lawless no longer performs the song live, as the lyrics don’t jive up with his more recent conversion to Christianity.

Bonus fun fact: back in 1985, this song appeared on the PMRC’sFilthy Fifteen” list, along with Prince’s “Darling Nikki” (as well as “Let Me Put My Love Into You”, the other AC/DC song about sex from Back in Black). I have a thing about the PMRC in the works, so stay tuned for that!

“I’m on the prowl and I watch you closely
I lie waiting for you
I’m the wolf with the sheepskins clothing
I lick my chops and you’re tasting good…”

9. My Dying Bride – “The Thrash of Naked Limbs” (from The Thrash of Naked Limbs EP – 1993)

My Dying Bride makes me feel all kinds of different emotions at the same time, which I suppose is how you know it’s working. This song is no exception; the lyrics are sweet and emotional, the music is heavy and emotional, and the vocals are growly and terrifying (and emotional). Honorable mention: “The Sexuality of Bereavement”, from 1995’s brilliant The Angel and the Dark River. It’s just the tiniest bit too weird for this list, but it’s a fantastic song.

“With the lights low, and you naked on the warm floor
Me besides you, softly kissing, caressing
Make love to her while she’s crying
I could die now, and die happy.”

10. Pantera – “P.S.T. ’88” (from Power Metal – 1988)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the official winner for “Stupidest Lyrics” on this playlist. Power Metal was Pantera’s first album with Phil Anselmo (more like “white power metal”, amirite?), back when they were transforming from a talented KISS-inspired band into the talented Exhorder-inspired band they became best known for (haha). Power Metal was the band’s transitional “Judas Priest-inspired” phase. It’s pretty weird, and it’s not all that good, but it’s miles better than their first three albums. I mostly included it here because it fits the criteria, and because I like making fun of Pantera, because Pantera fans take themselves too seriously. Vocals on this one are by “Diamond” Darrell Abbot, before he was known as “Dimebag” Darrell, which was before he was known as “Dime”, may he rest in peace.

“Coors Light on ice,she’s gettin’ right
She is feeling my rise, don’t stop roll the dice,
She’s got my rod in her thighs…”

11. Venom – “Teacher’s Pet” (from Black Metal – 1982)

Everything about Venom is simultaneously awesome and kind of stupid (and always, always ridiculous). The lyrics are basically “Hot For Teacher” with a “Hard R” rating. If you’re only gonna listen to one Venom song, it should not be this one. I recommend anything off Welcome to Hell (1981) first.

“Teacher caught me masturbating
underneath the desk
she looked at me and winked her eye
said ‘see you after class’…”

That’s all I got for today, friends. What are some of your favorite heavy songs about sex? Share them in the comments, why not? And remember to always, always, always stay heavy (and sexy!).



Mixtape Monday (Friday Edition) Volume 11: Everything Looks Like a Target To Me

I had a pretty shitty day at work on Wednesday, and when I came home, I started putting this Mixtape together. It was inspired by one particular person at work, and I’ve calmed down considerably since, but the person who inspired it can (and very much should) still fuck off. Really though, this mix is just about being pissed off, and sometimes, you need that. This is in no particular order.

Exodus – “A Lesson in Violence” (from Bonded By Blood – 1985) – “You motherfuckers better give it up for Exodus!” If you don’t believe me, listen to the entirety of this scorching live version from one of the best live metal albums ever, Another Lesson in Violence. After you’re finished with this mix, you should probably go ahead and listen to the entire album. It seriously rules.

Minor Threat – “Small Man, Big Mouth” (from Minor Threat – 1981) – This song was on my mind while I was at work that day, and while it’s technically about little guys who overcompensate for their size by being assholes, it’s important to remember that some small men are regular-sized, and are also assholes.

Tool – “Ænema” (from Ænima – 1999)  – I’m not the biggest fan of Tool by any stretch of the imagination, but I have nothing against them. I absolutely fucking adore this song, and the video is creepy as shit, as Tool videos tend to be.

“Some say the end is near.
Some say we’ll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this

Stupid shit, silly shit, stupid shit…”

Metallica – “Damage, Inc.” (from Master of Puppets – 1986)

“We chew and spit you out
We laugh, you scream and shout
All flee, with fear you run
You’ll know just where we come from…”

AC/DC – “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” (from Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap – 1976) – My brother got this tape (along with Led Zeppelin I) for Christmas when I was about 5 or 6 years old, and both albums had a profound influence on me. Dirty Deeds is still my favorite AC/DC album.

Big Business – “I’ll Give You Something to Cry About” (from Here Come the Waterworks – 2007) – I’m only really familiar with this one Big Business album, but if it was the only thing they’d ever released, they would still be fucking legendary.

“I’d like to forgive and forget, but I can’t
It’s just one of the ways that I’m petty…”

Black Flag – “Clocked In” (from The First Four Years compilation – 1983) – This job prompted me to share this song on my personal facebook page once before. The Dez Cadena version is superlative. I’ll fight you about that.

Cannibal Corpse – “Puncture Wound Massacre” (from Vile – 1996) – This song is cathartic as a motherfucker.

“I only see red, rage exploding
Two knives, one mind, that hate has broken…”

Brujeria – “Matando Gueros” (from Matando Gueros – 1993) – If you don’t know the story of Brujeria, you should look them up. Their name is Spanish for “witchcraft”, and they kick a ton of ass. The title of this song translates roughly to “Killing White Boys”. None of this should be confused for the Shakira song “Brujería”; I haven’t heard it, but I am 100% confident that they are unrelated.

Rage Against the Machine – “Killing in the Name” (from Rage Against the Machine  – 1992) – “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”? You’d better believe this song and album made a major impact on 15-year-old me.

Clutch – “Binge and Purge” (from Transnational Speedway League: Anthems, Anecdotes, and Undeniable Truths – 1993) – Clutch hasn’t always been the blues-infected groove juggernaut they are today. They came to life in 1991 with a very rough hardcore-tinged sound, as heard on their earliest releases, 1991’s Pitchfork 7″ demo, 1992’s Passive Restraints EP, and to a lesser extent, their 1993 full length debut. I don’t listen to their earlier stuff as much, but some of those old songs are absolute classics. “Binge and Purge” is one of them. It is pure, unbridled adolescent rage, and it’s also where I got the title of this Mixtape.

Faith No More – “Surprise! You’re Dead!” (from The Real Thing – 1989) – I love Faith No More, but I was quite disappointed in their recent comeback album. Sometimes I think about giving it another chance, but with a back catalog that includes songs like this, why bother?

Grim Reaper – “See You in Hell” (from See You In Hell – 1983) – My brother used to have this tape in his room, and I was scared of it. When I finally got around to looking this song up a few years ago, I was surprised to find that it was so much less heavy and evil (and so much goofier!) than I remembered.

Vio-Lence – “Serial Killer” (from Eternal Nightmare – 1988) –  This song has been shared on these pages before, but I don’t give a shit; it should be listened to at least once a day. The first Vio-Lence album is a crash course in Thrash Metal Gang Vocals 101 and Thrash Metal Riffs 201. Fucking amazing.

Overkill – “I Hate” (from The Years of Decay – 1989) – This song probably best sums up my overall feeling from that shitty, shitty work day that inspired this kickass mix, so I’m gonna include the lyrics in their entirety, as transcribed on The Metal Archives.

So much trouble
Hate this job
Tried to get out
Trapped like a dog
No, I don’t like
Pumpin’ gas
Do ya hate to wait?

Life’s a game
We play your rules
Bottle half empty
Or the bottle half full
It does no good
No good to shout
But I scream, I hate

Say I’m hostile,
Gotta relax,
Gotta get a grip,
Here’s the facts:
I hate bein’ here!

I hate people that make you feel small
I hate having my back against the wall
You know, I hate being talked down to

I hate your rules
I hate ’em all
Hate being marked to take the fall

Planet’s not big enough for me and you

So much trouble
Over me
Surrounded by jerks
Can’t ya see?
Smile to my face
I know you lie
Knife in the back

Another game
Rules, rules, rules
Not for me
Ya fuckin’ fool
Open your mouth
Just one more time
And my foot’s goin’ down

In one ear
Out the other
A waste of time
Don’t even bother,
I hate being here!

I hate people that make you feel small
I hate having my back against the wall
You know, I hate being talked down to

I hate your rules
I hate ’em all
Hate being marked to take the fall

Planet’s not big enough for me and you
But most of all
I hate you…

YOU! I hate you
YOU! I hate you
I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate you


I hate people that make you feel small
I hate having my back against the wall
You know, I hate being talked down to

I hate your rules
I hate ’em all
Hate being marked to take the fall

Planet’s not big enough for me and you
But most of all
I hate you…

Think I know
How you got this far?
Think I know how you
Got where you are?

Think I’ll hate you
When you’re dead?
I know I’ll hate ya

Smile to my face
Know you lie
Say I got problems?
Ask yourself why

Hate the games
I hate the rules
You’re gonna lose

Say I’m hostile,
Gotta relax,
Better get a grip,
Here’s the facts:
Not much more of you!

I hate people that make you feel small
I hate having my back against the wall
You know, I hate being talked down to

I hate your rules
I hate ’em all
Hate being marked to take the fall
Planet’s not big enough for me and you
But most of all
I hate you…

I hate people that make you feel small (I HATE YOU!)
I hate having my back against the wall (I HATE YOU!)
I hate being talked down to

I hate your rules
Every one (I HATE YOU!)
Hate having counted you number one
I hate being placed at number two
But most of all
I hate you
I hate you


That’s all for now. Stay heavy, friends.

Mixtape Monday (Friday Edition), Volume 10: Sadness Will Prevail

I haven’t done one of these mixtapes in a while, but I find myself with time to write and unable to think of much to say. One of my best friends left town yesterday to move 1,000 miles away, and I’m fuckin sad about it. I spent a while pretending it wasn’t really happening, then as time marched forward in its unceasing way, I tried to not think about it. At his going away party last Saturday, I may or may not have broken down and cried in front of everyone (I did) (although alcohol may have played a role in said possible breakdown), and since I last saw him Wednesday night, I’ve just been in a weird funk, and I thought maybe putting together a sadness-themed mix might help me move past it.


Part of the sadness is undoubtedly due the fact that he’s one of like 4 friends who lives around here who doesn’t have any kids, and please do not misunderstand – I love my friends with kids (and those kids) dearly, but with Mrs. Stay Heavy and myself being in our mid-to-late 30’s, childless friends are becoming more rare these days than a PhD at a Five Finger Death Punch concert, and sometimes we wanna hang out with no kids around, y’know?

Aside from his lack of dependents, though, he’s just an all around awesome guy. Like me, he grew up watching the Golden Era of professional wrestling. Like me, he’s a fan of horror and science-fiction, and a music aficionado (although his tastes do not lean as heavy as mine), plus he’s the only person I’ve ever known who always gets it when I quote The Simpsons.

My selfish sadness aside, I understand why he moved, and it’s not like I’m never gonna see him again. I know I’ll get over it, and if I don’t, then it’s my problem, isn’t it? Either way, let’s move on to the substance of this post, then shall we?

These are in no particular order, and the title of this mix is taken from an album by Today is the Day. I included a song of theirs here, but nothing from that album, because I’m not familiar enough with it. Also, I wanted to include something from Louisiana sludge kings Acid Bath, but everything of theirs that gets put up on YouTube gets taken down almost immediately. You should check them out on your own time, though. You can just pick a song, and it’s pretty much guaranteed make you sad, creep you out, or, in many cases, both.

Anyway, this is for you, Sal, even though you’d probably only like maybe two of these songs.

Life of Agony – “Let’s Pretend” (from Ugly – 1995) – I have plans to write about Life of Agony at length, hopefully sooner than later, so I don’t want to say too much here, but sweet merciful crap, is this song ever sad.

“But sometimes I like to pretend, that she knows me, that she holds me…
I guess I can’t, ’cause she doesn’t know who I am.”

Metallica – “Fade to Black” (from Ride the Lightning – 1985) – If you’re reading these words, I’m going to assume you’ve heard this song at least a few times before, so I’ve included the live version from the Cliff ’em All home video, which you should own.

“No one but me can save myself, but it’s too late
Now I can’t think, think why I should even try.”

Type O Negative – “Bloody Kisses (A Death in the Family)” (from Bloody Kisses – 1993) – If you’re not familiar with Type O Negative, you might be surprised to learn that they were often light-hearted and hilarious in their lyrics, with late singer/bassist Peter Steele planting his tongue so firmly in his cheek that plenty of people didn’t get the joke. However, when Type O Negative made a sad song, Type O Negative went ahead and made a sad, sad bastard of a song. RIP Mr. Steele.

“A pair of souls become undone
Where were two, now one
Divided by this wall of death, I soon will join you yet.”

My Dying Bride – “The Cry of Mankind” (from The Angel and the Dark River – 1995) – Since the late 1980’s, British indie label Peaceville Records has been putting out some extremely high-quality extreme music. Bradford, England’s miserable sonsabitches My Dying Bride, along with Paradise Lost and Anathema, were part of what was known as the “Peaceville Three”. All three bands were signed to Peaceville in the early 90’s (when metal was dead), and were pioneers in the death/doom metal genre that has since blossomed like a rotting black rose.

“I will make them all lie down
Down where hope lies dying.”

Voivod – “Morpheus” (from Infini – 2009) – I’m still working on my continuation of the Voivod saga, the first three parts of which can be viewed here, here, and here, so I don’t want to discuss this album much, but I will say that the lyrics were inspired by late guitarist Denis “Piggy” D’Amour’s death from cancer. RIP Piggy.

“The thing inside me, won’t let me be
This nightmare is real, let me out of me.”

Iron Maiden – “When the Wild Wind Blows” (from The Final Frontier – 2010) – This is the last song on what is currently Iron Maiden’s most recent studio album (The Book of Souls is out in less than one month!), and it’s my favorite song on that album by a pretty wide margin. The song is inspired by a 1982 graphic novel called When the Wind Blows, and by a 1986 animated film of the same name, however, the song has a different ending than the book and movie. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried the first time I listened to this song, and, in fact, I have cried many times since while listening to it, most recently when I watched the video below, which uses scenes from the movie.

“Have you heard what they said on the news today?
Have you heard what is coming to us all?
That the world as we know it will be coming to an end
Have you heard, have you heard?”

Candlemass – “Solitude” (from Epicus Doomicus Metallicus – 1986) – I only know like three songs from Swedish doom merchants Candlemass, but all three of them rule. I should listen to more of them, and you should, too.

“I long for my time to come
death means just life
Please let me die in solitude.”

Testament – “Cold Embrace” (from Dark Roots of Earth – 2012) – I don’t really have anything new to add, re: Testament, as it’s all pretty well documented. Just look around. See?

“The sun will never shine on you
Daylight blinds your way…
Now accept this cold embrace.”

Vallenfyre – “Seeds” (from A Fragile King – 2011) – Vallenfyre began as a side project formed by Paradise Lost guitarist Gregor Mackintosh to write out the pain he was feeling after the death of his father. Hamish Glencross, formerly of My Dying Bride, plays guitar in the band as well, so the misery pedigree is not to be fucked with.

“I face an eternal winter
Without you I will cease
You were my idol
I am your priest.”

Suicidal Tendencies – “Nobody Hears” (from The Art of Rebellion – 1992) – This song instantly transports me back in time, to the days when metal was dead, and Suicidal Tendencies, Pantera (“Walk”), and Sacred Reich (“Crawling”) all had songs in rotation on the “alternative rock” station out of Indianapolis, all receiving regular airplay alongside the likes of HelmetWhite Zombie, and others. This song is a bit of a rarity in the ST catalog, in that it does not have a positive resolution at the end. It just starts and ends as a bummer. It still kicks a ton of ass, though.

“So what do I have to do
To make you comfort me
Now I’m sitting here screaming inside myself
Don’t understand why nobody hears.”

Thergothon – “Crying Blood + Crimson Snow” (from Stream From the Heavens – 1994) – To be perfectly honest, I know very little about Thergothon, except that they were a Finnish band, and are considered one of the first bands to play the style that has since come to be known as “funeral doom”, which means they obviously fit this theme.

“Oh, the everlasting winter of my soul
Ice burns my skin, I writhe in cold and grief.”

Anthrax – “A.D.I./The Horror of It All” (from Among the Living – 1987) – As a kid, I used to try and figure out what “A.D.I.” stood for, thinking it must be something deep and profound, only to find out a few years ago that it was short for “Arabian Douche(bag) Intro”. Depending on the source, it was either a way to poke fun at the then-common practice of Bay Area Thrash bands including an acoustic intro to big, bludgeoning tracks, or a way to poke fun at then-lead guitarist Dan Spitz, who was always tooling around with it before it was included as the intro to “The Horror of It All”, which is a song about the death of a loved one.

“You’re not supposed to question, but why’s there so much pain
When someone’s taken from you?
What can you do or say?”

Today is the Day – “Death Curse” (from Pain is a Warning – 2011) – Aside from one song on a Relapse Records sampler (I can’t remember which song, but I think it was “In the Eyes of God”), Pain is a Warning was my introduction to Today is the Day. I bought it at the now-defunct Ear-X-Tacy Records in Louisville, KY, along with Hater by Total Fucking Destruction and the vinyl reissue of D.R.I.‘s Crossover, and at the time, I was working a job that was slowly destroying my soul. Pain is a Warning played a pretty significant role in my survival of that year. I adore it from beginning to end.

“It’s a lie
It’s a lie
Work until you die
It’s my life
Work and then you die
Death curse!”

Deftones – “Teenager” (from White Pony – 2000) – Here’s a nice mellow way to wind things down. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about the Deftones; I think they kick some serious ass, and I sincerely believe that they get unfairly maligned due to their association with shitty nü-metal bands, when they are, in fact, head and shoulders above nearly all their late-90’s/early 2000’s peers. I admittedly haven’t heard much of their work past their 2003 self-titled album, but I’ve yet to hear a Deftones song that I don’t enjoy. They really do  the whole quiet/loud dynamic thing exceptionally well, and this song is just heartbreaking.

“I drove you home
Then you moved away
New cavity moved into
My heart today.”

That’s all I got for today, heavy people. For the record, it did help alleviate my sadness a bit. Time will tell how long that lasts. Until next time, stay heavy, always.


More Loose Ends and Random Bits

I’ve been neglecting this blog for a while now, and I wish I could say for certain that I’m back at it on a regular basis, but unfortunately, I just don’t have the time to do it up properly, so for now, I’ll continue sporadically updating on what I’ve been up to since my last update.

The main thing I’ve been up to that pertains to metal is that I am now also writing for Global Thrash Assault, an awesome website run by fellow thrash fanatic Chad.  I’ve written two reviews so far, both for albums by bands I’d never even heard of until Chad sent me the assignments, and I’ve really enjoyed both of them.  Greek thrashers Biotoxic Warfare lay down some dark and angry blackened thrash on their full-length debut Lobotomized, and Italian “Moshing Maniax” Blindeath combine dirty NWOBHM-style proto-thrash with balls out mid-to-late 80’s pure thrash metal and deliver an adrenaline-fueled kick to the crotch called Into the Slaughter that you’ll return to again and again.  Both albums are highly recommended.

One odd/interesting thing I’ve noticed during my relative blogging silence is that my post entitled “The Ten Best Thrash Metal Ballads of All Time” has been viewed at least once every single day since I first posted it back in mid-September, lending considerable evidence to my assertion that lists are the only thing most people read on the internet these days.  I noticed a couple of days ago that it was the second link listed if you search “thrash metal ballads” on the Google, which was very exciting, and I just now searched it on Google again to make sure it was still number two, and it is, in fact, number one now, which is obviously even more exciting.  So thanks, whoever keeps looking at my nearly five month old post!

Also, at least once a week, someone finds my blog by searching the internet for some variation of “bill kelliher haircut” or “brent hinds tattoo”, which I find endlessly amusing, and I can only assume that most of those people have not become regular readers of Stay Heavy.

I’ve got a ton of topics cookin in my brain, and eventually you’ll see the continuation of the Voivod saga, another Old-Ass VHS Review or two, some more reviews, some more mixtapes (which I will clearly refer to as “The Best (Whatever) of All Time” now, so that people will actually look at them), some more Metal in the Mainstream adventures, and a whole lot more.

That’s all I got for now.  Here’s some live Exodus with metal madman Paul Baloff on vocals, because today is the thirteenth anniversary of his death from a stroke at the age of 41.  The song begins at around 2:30.

“…and it ain’t about no trout!  This song is called…”

RIP, you crazy fucker.

Stay heavy.  It’s what Paul Baloff would’ve wanted.


Some Really Great Thrash Metal Instrumental Songs

I’m not usually a big fan of instrumental songs, aside from some jazz and classical-type stuff.  For some reason, I just prefer songs with vocals.  That said, thrash metal has produced some damn fine instrumentals.  This is unsurprising, as thrash metal by its very nature requires top-notch musicianship.  Some of these are intros to songs/albums, some of them are just shorter interlude pieces, and some of them are gargantuan 7-minute-plus riff monsters.  All of them are fucking excellent, and could serve to ease a friend or family member who doesn’t normally enjoy metal into the wonderful world of neck-snapping, ear-popping, skull-fucking, blistering thrash metal.  By the way, this is in no way a comprehensive list, and these are in no particular order.  Onward!

Megadeth – “Into the Lungs of Hell” (from So Far, So Good…So What? – 1988) – This is the opening song and intro to the blazing apocalyptic tale “Set the World Afire”, which Dave Mustaine says he wrote the lyrics to on the bus ride back to California, after being unceremoniously booted out of Metallica.

Testament – “Confusion Fusion” (from Practice What You Preach – 1989) – If you’ve spent any amount of time on this blog, you already know I love Testament more than most things in life, and this song is a perfect example of the high caliber of musical ability that this Bay Area Thrash Metal beast has always boasted.

Death Angel – “The Ultra-Violence” (from The Ultra-Violence – 1987) – You might recognize the beginning of this song – it was used in a Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr commercial last year around this time, wherein a guy shoved a ludicrously large Jalapeño Turkey Burger into his mouth.  When you listen to this one, remember that the drums on this song were played by a 14-year-old kid.  Your soccer-playing honor student can fuck right off.

Razor – “The Marshall Arts” (from Violent Restitution – 1988) – I love the title of this one.  Canadian thrash metal will own your soul.

Metallica – “The Call of Ktulu” (from Ride the Lightning – 1984) – “Orion” (from Master of Puppets) holds a very special place in my heart, but “The Call of Ktulu” is no slouch, and it’s thrashier, so here it is.  This fan made video is fucking sweet.  RIP CLB.

Coroner – “Nosferatu” (from R.I.P. – 1987) – Coroner hails from Switzerland, and they are criminally underrated.  You really can’t go wrong with any of their albums, but No More Color (1989) is my favorite of theirs.  They released their last album of original material in 1993 (grunge must’ve killed them)(haha), and they broke up in 1996, but they’ve been reunited and playing shows (primarily festivals) together since 2010.  Guitarist Tommy Vetterli has stated that the band has plans to eventually record new music.  I have no doubts that it will be fantastic.

Flotsam and Jetsam – “Flotzilla” (from Doomsday for the Deceiver – 1986) – Perhaps best known as former Voivod bassist Jason Newsted’s first band, Phoenix, Arizona’s Flotsam and Jetsam have always flown just under the mainstream radar, and that’s a real shame, because they have always kicked a ton of ass.

Dark Angel – “Cauterization” (from Leave Scars – 1989) – I don’t like Leave Scars quite as much as I like the albums that bookend it (1986’s Darkness Descends and 1991’s Time Does Not Heal), but it’s still tight as hell.

Rigor Mortis – “Welcome to Your Funeral” (from Rigor Mortis – 1988) – This is the first song off the first album from this amazingly talented Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas band.  Guitarist Mike Scaccia would go on to play with Ministry (and several of Al Jourgensen’s 600,000 side projects) before joining back up with his Rigor Mortis bandmates in 2005.  In 2012, he collapsed onstage from a sudden heart attack (brought on by heart disease), while playing a show to celebrate Rigor Mortis vocalist Bruce Corbitt’s 50th birthday, and later died at the hospital.  Rigor Mortis had recorded another album before Scaccia’s death (Slaves to the Grave); it was released last month, and everything I’ve heard from it so far has been utterly fucking tremendous.  RIP Mr. Scaccia.

Nuclear Assault – “Live, Suffer, Die” (from Game Over – 1986) – When Nuclear Assault were on top of their game, they were goddamn near untouchable.  Dan Lilker is such a badass motherfucker.

Anthrax – “Intro to Reality” (from Persistence of Time – 1991) – This one cuts off abruptly, because it’s supposed to fade into the next song, “Belly of the Beast”, but I didn’t want to include any singing on this mix, so just deal with it.  State of Euphoria (1988) is my favorite Anthrax album, but Persistence of Time will probably always be their high water mark.

S.O.D. – “March of the S.O.D.” (from Speak English or Die – 1985) – This is probably my favorite intro to any metal-related anything ever.  Completely unfuckwithable.  And further evidence of Lilker’s total badassery.  It also cuts off abruptly, as it should bleed into “Sargent D and the S.O.D.”.  If you want to hear that version, look it up.  In fact, queue up the entire album, lie back, and let the Stormtroopers of Death kick your damn fool head in.

That’s all for today.  Tell me about some other badass thrash metal instrumentals I should check out.  And don’t forget to stay heavy, always!


Mixtape Monday, Volume 8: The Threat is Real



so i tied an onion to my belt

Note: I realized on 2/23/15 that I had mis-numbered my Mixtapes, beginning with Volume 4. When I fixed the numbering, I realized that this one should have been Volume 9, but if you read the introduction to this volume below, you’ll see why I could not make it Volume 9. This is why Volume 8 and Volume 9 are out of order.

It’s been too long since I’ve posted here, and I intend to stop letting day-to-day bullshit get in the way of this.  We’ll see how that goes.  One day at a time, I suppose.  At any rate, I’ve put together what I believe to be a pretty sweet mixtape for your listening (dis)pleasure.  Today’s theme, which I cannot think of a way to simplify properly, is metal songs from 1994, which was one of the years when music media would have the world believe that heavy metal was dead.  A cursory glance at this list proves that music media was as full of shit then as they’ve ever been.  Death metal and black metal were chugging along, and while it’s true that pretty much all the major thrash metal bands had slowed things down by 1994, causing a lot of metal fans at the time to accuse them of selling out and the like, let’s be honest with ourselves here: would you want to do exactly the same thing for a living day after day, year after year, just to make other people happy?  Quite frankly, there are very few bands that have been able to pull off never changing their style.  In fact, The Ramones, AC/DC, and Motörhead are the only three that come to mind.

I stole the title of this mixtape from Anthrax’s eighth album, which does not appear on this list, as it was released in 1998 (but which will be discussed in the future).  The songs appear in the order in which the albums they appeared on were released.  Let’s get down to gettin down, shall we?

Pantera – “Becoming” (from Far Beyond Driven – 3/22/94) – I’ve written about the impact this album had on both me personally and on metal in general before, so I won’t go into details here.  The whole thing is great, and it may have inspired and influenced a lot of inane bullshit, but it stands the test of time.

Cannibal Corpse – “Staring Through the Eyes of the Dead” (from The Bleeding – 4/11/94) – This is the first Cannibal Corpse album I heard, and the last Cannibal Corpse album with original vocalist Chris Barnes, who went on to make his side project, Six Feet Under, a full-time gig.  I personally prefer his replacement, George “Corpsgrinder” Fisher (The Man With No Neck), and I don’t like all the songs on this album, but a few of them are undeniably heavy, creepy, and amazing.  This is one of them.  It’s the story of a man (I assume it’s a man, as I can’t begin to imagine Chris Barnes attempting to write a song from a female point of view)  who appears to be dead on a table in the morgue, but is in fact alive, and unable to communicate that fact to the doctors.  Pretty creepy shit.

Mayhem – “Freezing Moon” (from De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas – 5/24/94) – This was the debut album of one of the founding fathers of Norwegian Black Metal, although it was not one of the first releases in the genre.  The story of Mayhem can be read in hundreds of places, so I won’t get into it here.  Just dig this weird, creepy song.

Napalm Death – “Plague Rages” (from Fear, Emptiness, Despair – 5/31/94) – This is the first Napalm Death album I owned, and it’s still my favorite, regardless of what vocalist Barney Greenway thinks of it (spoiler alert: he does not like it).  It marked a notable stylistic change for the band, and a lot of Napalm Death fans did not appreciate the shift.  I like all Napalm Death, but I definitely prefer this album and the stuff that has come out since to any of the albums that preceded this one.  Fun fact: opening track “Twist the Knife (Slowly)” also appeared on the soundtrack to the Mortal Kombat movie (and can be heard briefly in the movie itself).  It was a pretty exciting moment for 18-year-old me to hear Napalm Death over a movie theater sound system.

Overkill – “Where it Hurts” (from W.F.O. – 7/15/94) – Overkill have been one of the more consistent of the original thrash bands, in that they have consistently put out good albums.  On W.F.O., the band slowed things down a bit, which was the style at the time.  It’s maybe not as good overall as some of their other albums, but it’s still more stylish than wearing an onion on your belt.

Acid Bath – “Cassie Eats Cockroaches” (from When the Kite String Pops – 8/9/94) – Acid Bath were ahead of their time.  Hailing from Houma, Louisiana (southwest of New Orleans), they existed for six years and only released two albums, but the world is a richer, scarier, more beautiful, and more fucked-up place because they existed at all.  Both of their albums defy genre, and are absolutely essential.

Obituray – “Don’t Care” (from World Demise – 9/6/94) –  Fun fact: Obituary’s hometown of Gibsonton, Florida (a bit south of Tampa) is perhaps best known as the town where carnival freaks go to spend their winters and/or retire.  Obituary are one of the most successful death metal bands of all time, and are also one of the first.  Their Gibsonton upbringing shines through the muck in the songs; Obituary sounds pretty much exactly like you would expect a band that formed among circus freaks living in Florida humidity to sound.  I had been aware of them since their sick and twisted debut album, 1989’s Slowly We Rot, as I’d read about them in the hallowed pages of Metal Maniacs magazine, but “Don’t Care” was my sonic introduction to Obituary.

Testament – “Legions (In Hiding)” (from Low – 9/27/94) – My love for Testament has been covered pretty extensively throughout this blog, so I won’t get into it here.  This is my favorite song off Low.

Slayer – “Dittohead” (from Divine Intervention – 10/4/94) – This is one of the better songs off what is the beginning of Slayer’s notable decline in album quality, which I have discussed elsewhere.

Rotting Christ – “Non Serviam” (from Non Serviam – 10/11/94) – The Greek black metal monster that is Rotting Christ will get inside your mind and build a home there if you let it.  I first heard them about three years ago (on their unbelievably good full-length debut, 1993’s Thy Mighty Contract), and they promptly built a full-on castle in my brain.  They have since downgraded to a condo, where they come to stay now and then, but they will always hold citizenship in my head.

Mercyful Fate – “Nightmare Be They Name” (from Time – 10/25/94) – King Fucking Diamond.

Megadeth – “Train of Consequences” (from Youthanasia – 10/25/94) – The last of the slowed-down thrash bands on the list, Megadeth pretty much ceased to exist after Youthanasia, as far as I’m concerned.  The album is not flawless (in fact, only about half the songs aren’t bad), but the other half-or-so of the album is good, and some of the songs are really good, even.  I saw Megadeth live on the Youthanasia tour, with Fear Factory, Flotsam & Jetsam, and an up-and-coming band called Korn in support.  Korn brought the house down.

Brutal Truth – “Displacement” (from Need to Control – 10/25/94) – Brutal Truth has also been discussed here before, and will be discussed more in the future.  If you don’t own this album yet, you’re really doing yourself a disservice.

Bolt Thrower – “Remembrance” (from …For Victory – 11/29/94) – Bolt Thrower are from Coventry, England, and have been one of the most consistently high-quality death metal bands since the early days of the genre.  Their name comes from a weapon used in the tabletop strategy game Warhammer Fantasy Battle, and their lyrics are heavily influenced by the Warhammer games, as well as dealing with the topics of real-life war and its consequences.

That wraps up another edition of Mixtape Monday.  Thanks for reading, and don’t forget to stay heavy.