I have way too many things going on in my caffeine-addled brain, and I haven’t been able to focus on any one thing long enough to put together a proper post, so I’ve decided to just throw some of the topics out there to try and clear out some space. At least one of these items will surely be revisited in the future. This is in no particular order.
1. I’m ready for banjo and ukulele covers of metal songs to be a thing of the past. I see them in my facebook news feed all the time, and well-meaning friends often share them with me, but I think it’s a stupid trend, and I’ll be glad when it’s dead. I don’t care how well they’re played, it’s fucking unnecessary. If I want to hear a banjo, I’ll listen to “Foggy Mountain Breakdown”, and if I want to hear a ukulele, I’ll listen to that fat dead guy’s cover of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World”.
Seriously. Fucking stop with the banjo and ukulele covers, you goddamn hipsters.
2. I’ve been listening to a lot of Deftones lately, especially their third album, White Pony (2000). The Deftones were miles ahead of their musical peers in the late 90’s and early 00’s, and this album is a beautiful testament to that. They took a diverse range of influences (from Anthrax to Hum to the Smiths and beyond) and turned them into something simultaneously ethereal and terrifying. Album opener “Feiticeira”, the spacey, dreamy “Teenager”, and slow-burn closer “Pink Maggit” are my favorite songs on the album, but there’s really not a bad moment. Don’t take my word for it, though; listen for yourself:
“I drove you home, then you moved away, new cavity moved into my heart today.” God damn, y’all…if that ain’t heavy, I don’t know what is.
More to come on the Deftones in the near-ish future.
3. I’m no fan of commercials in general; I don’t appreciate being a demographic, and I just find them to be generally annoying. I assume we can all agree that Wendy’s commercials are among the worst commercials currently on the talking picture box. I find that redhead to be insufferably annoying, and I want her to choke on her goddamn artisan cheeseburger, or whatever the fuck she’s trying to sell me. “Joel, what the fuck does this have to do with heavy music?” I’m glad you asked.
A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Stay Heavy and I were driving back home from St. Louis, and we stopped in Petersburg, Indiana to try and find a place to eat. Petersburg, if you are unfamiliar, is a small town in south-western Indiana, is the boyhood home of Gil Hodges, and has a pretty nice Casey’s General Store, a restaurant called Fish Hut Pizza (which for some reason has a whale on the sign), and not much else. We had pizza for dinner the day before (if you’re in the St. Louis area, I cannot recommend Pi Pizzeria highly enough), and quite frankly, the name Fish Hut Pizza just baffled us, so we settled for Subway, because we knew what to expect. The radio inside Subway was set on a lame country radio station, and at some point, a Wendy’s commercial came on, and it went something like this:
Annoying Redhead: Hey, let’s go to Wendy’s and get some goddamned sandwich before the big concert!
Her Dumb Friend: Gee, I don’t know. We might want to see the opening act.
AR: Who is the opening act?
HDF: I downloaded them. Let’s check it out!
[loud heavy metal sounds come from his phone]
AR [shouting]: What did you say they’re called?
HDF [shouting]: I think they’re called Thrash Vipers!
AR: Uh, yeah, I think we have time to go to Wendy’s and get some goddamned sandwich first!
And I immediately said to my wife: “Like any fucking lame-ass band those assholes wanted to see would have a metal band opening for them. Also, fuck that shit! I hate that redhead so much!” (Note: I love redheads in general. I’m married to one, and my love for them stretches all the way back to kindergarten, but I really, really do hate that redhead so much.) Also, I forget the source, but I read something a while back stating that made-up band names always sound stupid and unrealistic. I agreed with it then, and that stupid commercial provided another great example.
I have more going on upstairs, but I have other things to do today, so I’ll wrap it up here. Thanks for reading, and remember to stay heavy, always.